When Is Neurodiversity an Excuse for Rudeness?

Pay Parity, at Last?

During my annual evaluation last week, my boss admitted that two senior managers, including myself, have been paid less for years than our peers with similar experience and backgrounds. I’ve been with the company for 12 years, starting as a junior manager and working my way up to a senior role for most of the past nine years.

I feel gutted knowing that, despite my hard work and consistently stellar reviews, I’ve been underpaid for so long.

My former boss, who swapped roles with my current boss and is now our vice, is likely responsible for this, but my new boss still consults with him closely before making decisions. While my current boss has said he plans to increase my salary to help close the gap, he hasn’t committed to bringing it fully in line with others or addressing the years of disparity.

I’m not sure what my options are at this point. I don’t want to come across as too demanding, but it’s hard not to feel like I’ve been too accommodating. If they admit to underpaying me so nonchalantly, they seem to still consider me accommodating and low risk for them. Which truly angers me.

— Anonymous

You haven’t been too accommodating all these years — because you didn’t know you were being unpaid. Let’s just get that out of the way first, because it feels to me as if some part of you is blaming yourself for … what? The fact of the matter is that nothing from the past was your fault or within your control; it seems the blame goes to your former boss for 1) not rewarding the quality of your work and 2) not making your salary commensurate with what other people at your level were, and are, making.

I’m curious to know how your current boss communicated the news to you that you’d been underpaid. Was it a slip of the tongue? A confession? Was it said apologetically? With embarrassment or regret? I have to imagine that if your current boss revealed this information to you in an apologetic way it might signal a willingness on his part to make things right.

About making things right: I’m troubled by the reluctance — or unwillingness — to bring your salary fully in line with that of your similarly situated professional peers. Have you asked your current boss why he won’t make things right in this respect? Have you asked him explicitly about addressing the disparity in a way that involves back pay?

As for your options, well, you have every right to come across as demanding or, at the very least, persistent and assertive about this issue. They’ve been underpaying you for years. Years! I’d be angry as well (I’m already angry on your behalf). And don’t think for a second that I haven’t noticed that both your former and current boss are male, and that, based on the name given in your email, you are female. Women still make less than men — 84 percent of what men are paid, and this is without taking race and ethnicity into account — and they suffer from societal assumptions that they’ll be accommodating, thanks to the ways we’re socialized as girls. (I’m writing a book about this, in fact.)

I’m curious: What did you say in response to your current boss when he told you about being underpaid? Did you take notes? Then or afterward? Have you spoken to the other underpaid senior manager you work with? What did he or she say? (I’m also dying to know whether that person is male or female.) (Some states are moving to enact salary transparency laws. Is yours?) And again: have you asked your boss directly to make things right?

I think you should find an employment lawyer and have an introductory discussion with him or her. And, depending on what your employer or boss say, you just might want to consider looking for another job. Pay disparities can be compounded over the years; what may seem like a minor difference in annual salary adds up to a whole lot more over the decades, as you’ve just experienced firsthand. Is your feeling of being passed over, taken for granted and disrespected going to abate if your salary is brought in line — or close to it — with that of others? You’re still in the process of finding that out. But what you may find is that “accommodation” means accommodating yourself and honoring your sense of self-respect. And that you’ll be better off taking your talents elsewhere.